Before I had children I had always thought about the mother I would be, I knew there were certain things I would do. I had always known I wanted to breastfeed, to baby wear and to use cloth nappies, but aside that I hadn’t really thought much about what kind of mother I would be.
I remember watching the advert for infant follow-on formula pre-kids and laughing when they said ‘and IF you want to move on from breastfeed…’. My husband and I looked at each other incredulous, saying of course you would move on from breastfeeding, that’s only for months, a year at most. Yet I am the mother who breastfed her eldest until 2 years and 2 months, I was happy to feed both my toddler and baby in tandem (although O stopped just before A was born) and I am still feeding my 22 month old and shall continue to do so until he is ready to stop.
We initially bought a buggy and a stretchy cloth wrap. Sometimes I would wear O as a baby and other times I would put him in the buggy for walks, he really didn’t mind either and I continued to carry him every few days or so until he was almost 2 years old. Little A, on the other hand, was a completely different baby and hated the buggy, crying whenever he was put in it. Instead I carried him everywhere, wrapped up snuggly inside the stretchy wrap until he got too heavy and we moved on to a woven wrap and at 1 year old I carry him in a buckles carrier, where he will be carried until he can walk most distances himself (or speed along his balance bike like his brother!). I would never have thought that I would have kept carrying A for as long, but that’s the mother I now am.
When O was born we had a moses basket beside the bed and for when he was bigger we had a cot in his own little room. But as he grew it was clear that he preferred to sleep with us, he woke up so often that the only way to get more sleep was to have him beside me so I could easily feed him back to sleep each time he woke. As he got bigger he went into his own bed, but we would always be there to cuddle him to sleep whenever he woke. Before our second son was born we took one side off O’s old cot and attached it to our bed with a specially made mattress to fit. A has slept in our bed ever since the day he was born, not something I had previously considered and he will continue to sleep there for as long as he’s happy.
When it comes to discipline I had always thought I would be rather strict, we watched Supernanny quite a few times and I thought I knew what I was doing. Yet once my own children were born it was against my instincts to punish them, I prefer to get to the root of the problem, see the world through their eyes and understand my children’s frustrations and issues. I’m not saying that I don’t shout occasionally, but I do my best to parent as gently as possible. Not what I thought I would do pre-children, but your views on life change once you have your own kids.
Are you the parent you thought you would be? Or has your parenting developed over time?
Talya says
I love these reflections of the kind of mother you thought you would be versus what you actually were in the end – they are rarely ever the same! Thanks so much for sharing. #twinklytuesday
Caro | The Twinkle Diaries says
I’m much less neurotic than I thought I was going to be! I am strict though – and definitely ‘bad cop’ to my husband’s ‘good cop’ but that’s fine. I LOVE being mama to my sons, and that’s all I could hope for 🙂 Thanks for linking with us at #TwinklyTuesday xx
Sarah says
Yes I thought I’d be the strict one and my husband would be softer but it seems its the other way around! #PicknMix
Robyn says
Great post, shows that you’re very open minded to parenting methods and doing what works for your family. I didn’t really have any ideas about what I’d be like as a parent, we just do what works best for us as well. Our little guy is pretty stubborn and vocal, he won’t go along with anything that doesn’t suit him! #picknmix
Jenny Eaves says
Thank you, yes I think everyone changes over time don’t they! 🙂 x
Jenny Eaves says
Hee hee, I think we take turns being ‘bad’ or ‘good’ cops! Interesting to hear what others thought they would be like! 🙂 x
Jenny Eaves says
Ha ha, we are sometimes one way and then the other, despite me thinking I would be strict! 🙂 x
Jenny Eaves says
Ha ha! That sounds about right, stubborn vocal boys here, they know what they want and will not budge! 🙂 x
Healing Mama says
Great post! I think my parenting developed overtime. There were certain things I did that I never thought I would do. I breastfeed both of my kids and I a lot more patient than I thought I would be.
A Cornish Mum says
I’m strict about certain things like manners, but I like to think I’m a fun mum I love teasing them, laughing with them and I love that even at 9 and 11 when they’re upset it’s me they want and they still love cuddling up with me. My eldest is 4 foot 8 now though (I’m 5 foot 2) so I get crushed when they both dive on me!
Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix you sound like a brilliant mum 🙂
Stevie xx
Smallstuffandme says
You have the best approach, it’s nice to have an idea of how you want your child rearing to go, but adapting and sticking with what works best for as long as it suits just makes sense.
I thought I would be a really overprotective, fretful mother. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac and tend to think the worst. I was so worried about something going wrong during my pregnancy, but when my daughter was born I found I was a very relaxed, chilled out mum! Even when she diagnosed with a heart condition at 8 days old I coped better than I ever imagined I would. If someone told me that situation was in my future I would have gone to pieces!
Jenny Eaves says
I wonder what we would have thought of ourselves if our 19 year old selves could see us now? 🙂 x
Jenny Eaves says
Ha ha! At least they still want to be near you and crush you! Glad they love cuddles still, I hope mine do too at that age! 🙂 x
Jenny Eaves says
That’s fantastic that you’ve managed to stay a relaxed and chilled out mum, even with the problems your daughter has. I think being a parent is a lot more manageable if we can stay calm! 🙂 x