One day we’ll get there, one day soon I’m sure. I’m not worried that O is still in nappies at 3.5 years old, I know a lot of his peers are toilet trained, including those younger than him. I do wonder if the other mums at toddlers and his nursery give us funny looks as I go off to change his nappy. Maybe they think I’m ‘lazy’, wondering why I haven’t gotten out the charts and stickers or chocolate buttons to get him toilet trained. But that’s not the way I want to parent my boys, I don’t want to bribe them to do things (well, not always anyhow!), what I really want is for them to WANT to do it for themselves and to have at least a little bit of control over their lives. Yes, that means for me lots of nappy washing (we use cloth nappies) that I can’t always be bothered with and yes the nappies that O uses are getting too small and yes I hate the screaming tantrums when I ask O if we can change his nappy. He would much rather keep a wet or dirty nappy on rather than me change him?!
That brings me to my next point, he clearly isn’t ready if he isn’t bothered by wearing a soiled nappy. On the days he’s asked to wear pants (yes he does ask to wear them and we actively encourage it) he does not tell us when he needs to go and if we ever ask him then he will always tell us no. This toilet training lark has to be on his terms, he has to tell us when he’s ready as it just ends in tears if we try to coerce him into using the toilet.
And if you think we didn’t try early enough or tried to ready him, then think again. We had a potty in the toilet from 2, which he didn’t like, so we got a toilet seat with attached steps, which he was happy to sit on whilst being read a story, but he only asks to use it in the morning now (and he has on occasion done both wee’s and poo’s on there), as an excuse to get out of bed! If I ask him during the day he refuses to use it. He has always come into the toilet whilst we’re using the loo, despite my insistence that I don’t always need to be accompanied to the loo! We have kept books for him to read whilst on the toilet, they inevitably work their way back into the living room during the day. We have tried a variety of potty training books for him to read from the library, which he loved. He can tell us exactly what the toilet is for and where wee’s and poo’s go, it’s not a mystery to him. I ironed on transfer stickers to plain pants so he would have pants that he loved, which is the main reason he asks to wear them! But he just doesn’t tell us when he needs to go so he’ll need a change of pants and trousers every 3-4 hours (so yes he can hold it in!).
So what I’m trying to say is please don’t judge parent’s if their child is still in nappies when yours were out of them at 2, they’re (probably) not lazy, just some kids aren’t as bothered about using the toilet and for whatever reason they are just not ready. We’ll get there one day, believe me I’m looking forward to it, but right now I will not worry. It’s his body and he will decide when he’s ready.
“You can take a child to the toilet, but you can’t make them pee!”
J x
Morna piper says
I try really hard not to judge other parents. But if I was going to judge it would be the parents I see who are blatantly forcing their not ready toddler out of nappies. Having a go at them when they have an accident and making the whole process uncomfortable. My experience with both girls was that potty training is easy when they’re ready- when they’re not it’s impossible and miserable. I think you’re totally right – I bet one day it will just click and he will potty train overnight. Until then I’m definitely not judging you 🙂
Jenny Eaves says
Thanks for the support! I’m sure most people understand, but sometimes I get looks when I get a nappy out for O! I’m still hopeful it will click one day soon, there’s no point pushing it as it makes him annoyed and less likely to do anything! Hopefully it’s not too long though! 😉 x
Lissa says
I whole heartedly agree with you Jenny. A has always, like O, done things in his own time, when he was ready and no amount of persuasion made a blind bit of difference (except sometime to re-inforce the point that he was not ready). We tried a few techniques for toilet training, but nothing worked, until we backed off and 1 day it ‘clicked’ and that was that. Once he was ready, he was dry almost instantly day/night, however, it took a further 9 months to have a poo in the pan, a nappy was always required for this – I met quite a lot of judgement for this, but never forced the issue, for 2 reasons: 1, I knew it would come eventually and 2. when the subject had been brought up once, he held a poo in for days, became really constipated and upset at fear of “falling down the pan”.
I had suggestions put to me for training, all the typical ‘rewards’, which, like you, it wasn’t a path I wanted to start down. The one that makes me laugh (no we didn’t implement) was to reward A with a white chocolate button for a pee and a milk choc button for a poo!!!!
xx
Jenny Eaves says
Ha ha! That chocolate button theory is hilarious! It’s hard isn’t it, people expect children to be toilet trained earlier and earlier, and some are ready, I know several friends who’s children (girls!)suddenly decided that THEY wanted to wear pants and did it literally overnight at an early age. Thanks so much for the support Lissa, nice to know I’m not alone! 🙂 xx
Style After Nine says
I recently went to check out a nursery and mentioned to the lady taking me around that I was planning on starting potty training my almost 3 year old the following week (took just 4 days by the way and was so much easier then our first attempt 6 months before). Anyway, she was quite rude about it “What he’s still in nappies?!? At this age?” I instinctively found myself making excuses, before realising I didn’t need to. Needless to say that nursery got struck off my list immediately.
They’ll be out of their nappies when they’re good and ready!
Jenny Eaves says
Exactly! Each child is different, some are ready earlier than others, yet I know of some that aren’t ready until 4! Although I hope I can quit with all the extra nappy washes for him, we’ll wait until he’s ready. I think a lot of time it’s the nursery teachers that put pressure on parents to toilet train and then they hVe an awful time as the kids aren’t ready. X
Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) says
Thank you for sharing this post, Monkey isn’t yet 3 but sounds very similar, he just isn’t ready yet and like you say, if they don’t care about being in a dirty nappy it is impossible to get them to use the toilet. I feel awful and judged sometimes and I know our parents especially are horrified he isn’t trained yet but I have to stick to my guns. I wish he was ready, but he just isn’t it! Xx #brilliantblogposts
Jenny Eaves says
Thanks, yes, it’s hard isn’t it, we would love them to be ready, but if they aren’t it would just be too stressful to force them to use the toilet and much more likely to lead to constipation and other issues! x
Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks says
I agree and I will not be pushing my toddler to use the loo, I am waiting for him to decide on his own terms that he wants to do it! I’ll just deal with the poopy nappies until then!
Jenny Eaves says
Thanks for the support! 🙂 x
Suburban Mum says
As others have said here – each child is different and only you as a parent will know when they are ready. I didn’t train my eldest who is now nearly 5 until he was nearly 3. I was heavily pregnant with his brother so decided that it just made sense to wait until after baby had arrived. I’d heard that too much change before a new baby wasn’t good so we waited.
I was also working so potty training whilst being on mat leave just made sense.
He had a few accidents but generally got the hang of things pretty quickly and we didn’t have to pad out things like buggy and car seats “incase” he had an accident which I think is pretty much down to the fact he was potty trained later so just got it quicker.
It is hard when people judge you and you do find yourself defending your decisions but as one of my friends quite rightly told me ” no child will start school still wearing a nappy so don’t worry”
Good luck – I will be starting the whole process again with my youngest when I think he is ready!
#BrilliantBlogPosts
Jenny Eaves says
Thank you! 🙂
Tim says
I think you’re doing the right thing. It’s amazing that so often kids will let you know when they’re ready. Isaac was pretty average in terms of age when he cracked toilet training, Toby took a little longer and Kara couldn’t get going fast enough. With Toby we tried a couple of times early in the summer after he was about 2.5, but he just wasn’t ready so we backed off for a few weeks rather than stress him out to meet an arbitrary deadline. Sure enough, about a month and a half later he was good to go and was able to let us know that he was ready too.
Jenny Eaves says
Thank you! Yes, it’s funny how different each child is, I’m pretty sure A will want to do it earlier rather than later as he’s so determined to do everything we are! 🙂
Louise says
Great post Jenny and I would definitely agree with your last point about you can take a child to the toilet but you can’t make them pee! These little ones know when they are ready and they will get there in their own time.
Jenny Eaves says
Ha ha, most definitely! They’ll all get there in their own time! 🙂 xx