Disclosure: This is a collaborative post about helping children cope with divorce.
The decision to break up a marriage is a difficult one and can be particularly hard on any children involved. Having children means that your ex-spouse will be in your life for the long-term, whether you like it or not. It’s therefore important that you take this into consideration and learn to be civil to each other. But what about the children themselves? How do you help them cope with their parents splitting up?
Table of Contents
Work out a plan
You want to minimise disruption in your children’s lives, so try to create a new living plan as early as possible. The sooner you introduce your children to their new circumstances, the better. It’s important that your children have a routine in their lives to make them feel secure and settled. Now isn’t the time to play games with your ex – you need to sit down as adults and work out exactly what the new living arrangements will be. If one of you is moving out, then try to take care of that as soon as is manageable. Children are more perceptive than we realise and will pick up on any bad vibes in the home, so it’s best that whoever’s moving makes alternative living arrangements right away.
You should also both sit down and devise a custody plan around the children – what days through the week will they see each parent? You’ll also need to work out any child maintenance. In an ideal world, you and your ex will be on good enough terms to discuss all of this, but unfortunately, reality is often different. It’s therefore a good idea to speak to specialists in family law who can advise you on child maintenance payments and prepare you for any possible custody battles.
Sort out finances and assets
When going through a divorce, it’s essential that you protect your financial assets. This isn’t just for your own sake, but for your children. You should make sure the break-up is as fair as possible when it comes to who gets what. You’ll have to consider reviewing any property ownership or agreements you and your ex have together. It’s a good idea to create a written agreement together to cover the division of all your property and assets.
Try your best to be as civil with each other as possible, as your children will sense any tension. The last thing you want is to be arguing over things. Remember, your children are more important than any assets you might have, so do try and avoid any bad feelings that could cause them even more distress.
Show you care
Divorce can be traumatic for children but, given time, they should be able to readjust to their new living arrangements. Ensuring the divorce runs as smoothly as possible by being civil with your ex is the best way to deal with the situation. However, in real life, this isn’t always the case. It’s therefore vital that you reassure your children that they are the most important people in this scenario. Be patient and understanding and let them know that you’re there to comfort them any time they need you. Encourage them to open up to you and make sure you listen to them.
It’s vitally important to stress that although you and your ex might not love each other anymore, both of you love your children just as much as before. If you’re concerned that your children aren’t coping with the divorce, then speak to your GP who should be able to advise.
Conclusion
The break-up of a marriage can be hard on children, but with a bit of planning and discussion, as well as patience and understanding, you can ease the burden on everyone involved.